When I'm Alone...

When I'm alone

I start to think

of things that mean

the most to me

like funny thoughts

and sad songs

and lovers on a starry night
I want to laugh

and cry

and love

I want to be normal

and yet I feel

that I might need

to be a little strange

and like the cold

and want the things

I don't really want

To need the warmth

of mind and body

To need

surprise presents,

warm mittens,

and a close embrace

And yet I fear

that all these things

will escape me

and that the monster

beneath my bed

will confront me

and I will have to slay him

as I have done

so many times in my dreams

And yet I've never met

the monster

beneath my bed

Is it because

I am searching for something

that is not really there?

Could I be fighting someone

stronger than the monster

beneath my bed?

Could it be

that I am fighting someone

I've known for years

and yet I don't really know him?

Could that someone be

me?

Do I really want to be

alone

and feel the pain of

loneliness

which is so often disguised,

by shyness and differences,

as self-inflicting?

Am I trying to be

too different

from the others that I know?

Or is there something

I desire

from those I'm never with?

Is there someone

within me

that won't come out?

Or is that someone

missing

from my life?

Could that someone be

me?

Am I so afraid

that I cannot stand up

to my own self?

Or do I fear

what I might find

hidden behind this mask I wear?

Do I really need to be

someone

other than myself?

Has the time come

for me to slay

the monster

beneath my bed?

Or do I really want

to continue this masquerade,

dreaming,

fantasizing,

slaying the monster

beneath my bed

only

when I'm alone?